Good intentions

You know, I have the greatest of intentions.  I seriously do.  I have these great thoughtful ideas that just randomly pop in my mind, and I say to myself … “I’m gonna do that” … then this and that and everything in between happens, and I just don’t get it done.  Then I bum out for a while because I didn’t do it … and you know what, a lot of it has to do with seeing people, hanging out with people, visiting folks.  I think about people all the time and tell myself “I’m going to make a point to see them”, and I have strong desires to, like seriously miss these people.  However, life happens… and I’m kinda okay with it.  My kids get sick, my husband gets hurt, I get no sleep and feel like a bat shit crazy woman for days on end that needs to quarantine herself for the safety of the public, and so on and so on.  But, it’s okay.  It’s just how it is, and we adjust and move on.  Literally, we’re on the move.   Now travel ball is about to begin, so we’ll be balling it on the weekends … but!, that means I get to see some of my favorite people on a regular basis.  So double the happiness there.  Then Coach’s Pitch starts, so we’ll be on the ballfield just about every night; watching two little dudes have the time of their life.  Then this little girl will be starting to crawl and be mobile, and she will be a handful to keep up with … but … I wouldn’t want it any other way.  We’re busy, we’re usually on the go for one child or another (or at least something associated with a child).  So when we get a chance to be at home, we like to stay home.  We like to spend time with each other, and hang out and play, and watch movies, and dodge Nerf gun missiles, or listen to the Clones and the Stormtroopers take down whatever the heck it is they take down.  We actually enjoy being around each other, and sometimes, we just prefer to hang out with our kids.  Our kids are kind of awesome, they really are… but! You’ve met them.  They are wide open, full of life, boundary testing, free spirited, kind of respectful, little boys with big hearts and lots of personality.  It’s really entertaining around here, I swear it is.  It’s also everyone’s safe zone.  We’re all free to be who we’re designed to be in the walls of our home, and we can do it without judgment, without criticism, and without weird looks and deep sighs.  We’re not your average cookie-cutting family, we’re just not.  I mean, guys, our home pet is a freaking junk yard dog … holy crap is he.  He acts just like one - stubborn, rough, playful, grungy, free spirited and basically another kid to feed … he fits in perfect!!  We are often times very content to be just us 5 (6 including Bruiser – the dog), but we do not go without missing a lot of folks, often.  However, with all that said … we are rarely home, but we’re trying to change that - so for the sake of the public, if we were able to be home more, my children would probably be less likely to act like caged animals that had just been freed.  We really do try to work with them on how to act in public, but it’s like trying to nail down Jello.  At what point do you just stop the fight against nature, I mean really??  I know we’ll keep pushing through and keep on keeping on … but they are exhausting at this stage people.  Then when you bring them out to other places, this little radical version of themselves appears and it catches us off guard, just like it does you guys.  Yes, we even find ourselves saying “where in hell did that come from?” … because it really can only come from hell sometimes.  Just the devil trying to take a sista and brotha down!  We roll with it though, and we do what we do and we take deep breaths after doing what we do - because you know, we love what we do.  Then there’s about a 5 minute break, which we really love, then guess what?  We’re doing it all over again, because the devil is an asshole.  So, all those good intentions, yeah, that’s the devil and quite possibly the ADD … or just me needing to get it together!   I aim to make them reality and not just thoughts, because we all know my experience with God right?  He puts these ideas in my head & I am too stubborn to obey and think its not really him and then he makes me do it in kind of a dramatic way.  Trying to keep him from doing that these days.  

But you know what … the whole point to this mind rant is in 20 years, we may have to reconnect with our friends, but we’ll never have to reconnect with our kids or look back and wish we had.   That to me, is pretty important.